Early 2023 Update (Rest In Peace Ella Ellafy, Beloved Cat)

Hey everyone. Thank you all so much for your patience and well wishes. Anyone close to me learned that last week our cat Ella Fae Ellafy passed away. My wife and I rescued her during the pandemic and even though we knew there were risks with rescuing a twelve-year-old senior cat, she was one of the best cats from the moment we brought her home. She came into our home and lived a life of love and luxury. My wife and I made sure to give her cat towers and beds and anything a cat could want. I grew up with cats and enjoyed them immensely, while my wife always in the past had had bad experiences. We both were amazed by Ella. In the short few years we knew her, she turned out to be an all-star kitty. She won over my wife’s heart and also brought me calm and peace I hadn’t felt since I was a kid watching movies and reading with my family’s cats. 

I didn’t take care of dogs until my high school years, and cats were always something I wanted in my life. I really loved having dogs, but it wasn’t until Ella came into my adult life that I realized the joy and love of having a cat was something different. She really enjoyed spending time watching movies and TV with me (Star Trek was a favorite of Ella’s, with the ships, lasers and sounds). The plan for 2023 was to work on many of the projects I have had brewing and work on more of the nitty gritty business side. I knew I may feel overwhelmed or worried trying to get all that done, and I was excited to have Ella by my side and on my lap to keep me calm and collected. 

Sadly, quickly our plans changed. In November 2022, we took Ella to her annual checkup and blood work and she was given a clean bill of health -  good grades from the vet on feeding and playing and all her cat tasks! But, in early January, Ella’s tongue started to stick out and it wouldn’t go back in. My wife took her to the vet for a checkup. At that time, we were told because most of her teeth had been pulled (she was surrendered to the shelter for dental issues her previous owner couldn’t afford to fix), that maybe her jaw or mouth was degrading which happens with old age. We kept an eye on it. Just a couple weeks later, Ella’s tongue was noticeably worse and prevented her from eating. This time, taking her to the vet, they were able to see a quickly-growing tumor underneath her tongue. We were told to run tests again and to wait. The vet was very realistic from the start and told us the chances – if the tumor was benign with surgery and we gave her extra care with food and fluids, maybe Ella could live a year or more. If the tumor was bad, her decline was going to happen very quickly. 

A day or two later we received the news and it was the worst case scenario we’d feared. My wife learned how to give fluids to Ella, and I devised ways to hand feed her. Together we both gave her medicine and food and fluids. I was hoping and thinking we could keep Ella going for a while, maybe six months? Maybe longer? I was upset with myself and the situation. It was only ten days from the start of her hospice care to the day when she had noticeably lost weight and was having a hard time eating and moving. It was time to say goodbye, and it broke my heart. 

I don’t want to turn this update into an “about me”, but over the last five years there has been a lot of change in my personal life, some of it extremely good and some involving a lot of loss and hurt. I knew the death of Ella was going to affect me, but it was what broke the camel’s back for my mental state (as the expression goes). All the negative thoughts, anger, and fear and a lot of the bad feelings I was suppressing came to the surface, but working through the bad left room for new thoughts and feelings. As of writing this post, it has been over a week since we said goodbye, and this is the first and only thing I have been able to write. I’m not going to lie - the world seems a little less bright, at least around my home, and that affects me. I know it’s going to take me some time to get used to it. 

Sitting here, with the wound still fresh, I think I sometimes see her out of the corner of my eye, coming into my office like she used to for loves and fun together, and watching some Star Trek. I know it’s cliché but with time I know I will heal. I started this year with a plan to write an update for the first couple months’ ideas and plans and projects this year, and instead I feel I needed to give a full length tribute to Ella. Hopefully it helps anyone who visits the site and has wondered why I haven’t been posting regularly to understand my absence. 

I think going forward with so much on my plate, I’m going to try and go down to one post a week, and maybe occasional other posts when exciting publishing news or the like comes around. I love writing and working on my website, but also felt the need to spend more time on the creative in 2023, and less splitting my time between the website and my creative work as I did in 2022. I have a ton of very awesome plans for this year and I still plan on getting to them, just maybe in a different order or timeframe than I was thinking would work back in December. I have some tributes I have in mind for Ella in upcoming projects and through that creative process, I hope to let the world know that a special kitty has left us and she will always be a part of my heart. 

Thank you for reading and hopefully the next post should be as soon as next week. And lastly, I wanted to send a huge thank you and shout out to anyone who reached out and gave us condolences and good words. It really meant a lot to me in such an emotional time. Thank you all and Ella, you were the best. Really.